Look. I’m a sucker for boy bands and anything 13-year-old girls like. I’m currently addicted to Carly Rae Jespen’s “Call Me Maybe” and have been known to watch Nickelodeon’s “iCarly” onDemand. Needless to say, as I was sitting at the bar at Birds in Franklin Village, catching up with the oh-so-dreamy Manish Dayal of 9021O fame and soon-to-be ABCFamily “Switched At Birth” fame (deemed “dreamy” by one of my BFFs, not me. Not that I don’t agree, it’s just, well, gushing on the boyish good looks of someone you’re actually friends with, in your blog post, will only make future hangouts awkward. Ack. I already feel awkward. Back to the blog post), my dear friend Priya alerts me to the fact that Joe Jonas is also in the same venue, noticed by none other than friend/The Dating Advice Girl, Erin Tillman (of course the DAG would notice the hot guy in the restaurant…who just so happened to be Joe Jonas).
Yep, Joe Jonas. As in Jonas Brother. Without the other two. The attractive one. The one who went solo and has collaborated with Lil Wayne. The one who also broke my girl-crush Taylor Swift’s heart back in 2008.
I swear we were making eyecontact from bar to booth. Perhaps because we wanted to, perhaps (more realistically) because I’m loud and make a scene and was wearing yellow (who doesn’t notice yellow?!) Anyway. I tried to be discreet, all the while whispering my excitement into my friends’ ears. “Eeeek, that’s Joe Jonas! That’s the guy who Taylor’s written many a song about, many a song that has helped me through my own personal dramas (see ‘Forever & Always’, ‘Last Kiss’, and ‘Better than Revenge’…)” After staring for a good 20-30 seconds, I attempted to discreetly take photos with my iPhone, with the hopes that one would turn out clear enough to Instagram. They didn’t.
Anyway. The reason I was even at Birds was for a post-show hang after my dear friend FI’s sketch show next door at Upright Citizens Brigade (FI stands for “Funny Indian”, who you may remember from the “Red Bull with Demi Lovato”, Childish Gambino review, and “Eva Longoria @ Laugh Factory” blog posts.) Why I need to mention this? Well. It was FI’s slightly-buzzed-self that initiated formal conversation with Joe Jonas, and allowed me to upgrade from a “stalker-photo-from-afar” to a “let’s-smile-and-pose-together” picture. And a story for this lovely blog.
FI: “Hey so, there’s no real way around the awkwardness of all this, so um my friend over there, SK, she wants to talk to you”
SK awkwardly approaches JJ and immediately enlists all the teachings of her 6 months of UCB improv training. They exchange names and hellos and all that jazz. Meanwhile, FI steps aside and chats up JJ’s friend.
SK: So um, I’m hungry, and really indecisive… and I noticed you eating here earlier. What would you recommend I get? What do you eat here?
JJ (chuckling, then deadpans serious face): Half chicken, coleslaw, BBQ baked beans, and most importantly, chipotle mayo.
SK: Chipotle mayo? Like, by itself? That doesn’t make sense. No one has chipotle mayo without a sandwich, right?
JJ: I have chipotle mayo on everything. I can even have it for breakfast. Eggs.
SK (heart melting): I LOVE chipotle mayo. I just have never tried it without….bread.
For some reason writing that aforementioned line eludes a sexual tone. But I promise, it’s not a euphamism.
JJ: So did you just perform?
SK: No no, I was just a spectator this time around. Actually watched my friend perform. He’s a comic.
I really should have invited JJ to my next improv show at UCB at this point, but I was focused on the chipotle mayo I’d be indulging in after the conversation wrapped up. As I’m thinking about chipotle mayo, FI interrupts my food fantasy to tell me about JJ’s friend…
FI: Dude! THIS GUY is from Ohio!
SK, slightly amused, and happy that FI found another ethnic brother from the Midwest, continues her chat with JJ
SK: So where are you from?
JJ: All over, I’ve lived everywhere
SK: What does that mean?
JJ: Arizona, New Jersey, Texas, here…now I live between here and New York.
SK: Oh wow, yeah that’s everywhere. Wait. Why both here and NY? Do you have a preference? Why can’t you pick one.
JJ: I love both places for different reasons. The pace of New York, the people here…
SK: Good point. But we undeniably have better weather. Anyway. Back to chipotle mayo…
JJ laughs. SK is about to continue said-conversation, when FI and JJ’s friend take over conversation
JJ’s friend: What does she do?
Pause. Because A) I hate the word ‘host’, B) I’m a former journalist, and C) I do too many random things to fully label it
SK: Um. I talk for a living.
FI: She is…a…host. Hostess. She’s more than that, she —
SK: Ack! I hate that word, host. It makes it seem like I didn’t go to a prestigious 4-year-University and get a broadcast journalism degree.
Ooops! I said the word. JOURNALIST. I quickly keep talking, hoping to say enough words, hoping that my rambling will mask my mistake. In case you aren’t following, readers, “celebrities” don’t exactly like “journalists.”
JJ’s friend: Hey man it was nice meeting you, but we gotta go.
SK: It was nice meeting you. Thanks for deciding my meal for me.
JJ: Nice meeting you too!
FI takes a photo of us for Instagram, JJ and his friend leave
Alas, my moment with Joe Jonas ends, perhaps because they really had to leave, perhaps because I said the dreaded word “journalist.” I’ll never know. What I do know, however, is what Mr Jonas ate that night. And what I, in turn, ate as well.
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