There’s no question about it…I’m addicted to the Internet. More specifically, social media (I’ve been with Facebook for 7 years, Twitter for almost 3, MySpace…irrelevant since I was never a girl wHo tYPeD LikE tHiS!)
Anyway. When it comes to social media, there are some unsaid rules that MOST people know and follow. The problem? The few that don’t. Yes, there is such a thing as Internet etiquette, there is such a thing as what is “post-worthy” and what is not. And while the post-worthiness can vary based on the degree of dopeness (ie funny joke, you’re doing something cool, you heard some breaking news and have some added perspective), there are some things that are well, better left untweeted (or status updated for those of you not yet on the Twitter bandwagon.)
1. Passive-aggressive updates, whether sad or angry. I think an old high school friend, Paul Harris, said it best: “”Something horrible happened to me today. It was probably extremely trivial, but I won’t say what it actually was in the post so that you can all respond asking “aww whats wrong”, to which I still won’t actually tell you what happened, since it was, in fact, extremely trivial.” Fact: I actually had someone on my FB newsfeed write a status about suicide. I almost wanted to “like” it, but then I thought I may end up being tried as an accomplice had she actually gone through with it. (PS you may think I’m a horrible person for that last statement. Keep in mind this is digital Samia speaking. Real SK would never condone such actions.)
2. Baby Overload. Yes, this means taking over newsfeeds with excessive photos (as in like 50 photos, multiple albums) of your child. While we’re talking about children, excessive amounts of statuses dedicated to them are also unnecessary. I understand first words and steps, but a status update about their sixteenth word is a little odd. If you really need to do it, create them a separate Facebook page (and don’t add me.)
3. Drunken statuses/wall posts, or posts about your upcoming intoxication. You’re partying, you’re going to Vegas. Blah blah blah. We get it. You’re having more fun than us. Similarly, Twitter follower and social media maven Natasha Khan mentioned her dislike for albums with titles of song lyrics about getting wasted, filled with photos of you getting wasted, only to be topped by next week’s follow-up album of you getting…wasted. Seems like such a…. waste (of my time.)
4. Serial Retweeters. No, you don’t have to retweet everytime you get an @reply. Why? Because this is how we perceive what’s going on in your mind: “OMG someone laughed at my last tweet, MUST RETWEET @REPLY! SHOW THE WORLD THAT PEOPLE LOVE ME!” Sorry, but I don’t care that @PartyGirl42 just said “haha” or “ur cute.”
5. Promo whore. Since we’re on the retweet subject, as old coworker Taylor Zeinert points out, if you have a Twitter and manage another accounts Twitter, don’t retweet everything from your business account. It was a separate account for a reason, all you’re doing is clogging up our feeds.
6. Hashtag fails. OK, I understand that hashtagging was originally intended for trending topics on Twitter. But let’s be real, we all just hashtag to appear funny/clever/ironic. That being said, if you hashtag and fail to make me smirk, I will judge. As producer Nick Robinson points out, “Excessive, unironic hashtagging is the worst thing I can think of. #sadbuttrue #fail #funny #omg” …. #cantthinkofcleverhashtagbutfeelslikethispointneedsone
7. Tweeting/Facebooking about Foursquare. I don’t care where you’re the mayor of. I didn’t vote for you.
8. Digital deception. Okay perhaps I’m making this sound far more intense than it actually is, but as my dear journalist friend Zach Franklin tells me, he can’t stand people who are funny online and boring in real life. He refers to this as “Jekyll and Hyde personalities” when using social media and stresses that people “stop stealing quotes from Dane Cook.” (Though, I’d like to point out that many in the comedy community are not a fan of Dane Cook, so that’s another fail altogether.)
9. One word: Farmville.
10. To follow-up on the previous point, social media games in general. As my dear friend Priya points out, “it’s just taking up my newsfeed – I don’t care about how many cows somebody owns” (PS this statement says a lot. Priya is from Bakersfield.)
Enjoy this blog post? Feel free to “like” and “share”, and course…to stay updated on the latest Khanversation Pieces, make sure to subscribe via Facebook 🙂